Wedding Toast Etiquette, Updated

Modern wedding toast etiquette is pretty simple: follow the couple’s plan, keep your remarks about the couple, and don’t take more time than you were given. There isn’t one order or set of rules that fits every wedding. A backyard reception, a formal ballroom dinner, and a small family gathering may all handle toasts differently.

If you’re giving a speech, ask the couple, planner, or emcee what to expect. A quick check beforehand is better than guessing when the microphone is already in your hand.

What’s the usual order for wedding toasts?

The order varies. A host or parent may welcome guests first, followed by members of the wedding party and family. The couple may speak near the end to thank everyone. Some receptions put the speeches before dinner; others schedule them between courses.

A common traditional arrangement is for the maid of honor to speak before the best man, with the best man following her. But that order isn’t universal or required. The couple may switch it, add parents or siblings, or ask the emcee to arrange the speeches around the reception schedule.

If you’re the maid of honor or best man, check when you’re expected to speak and whether you’ll be introduced. Also ask how long you have, where to stand, and whether there’s a microphone. If dinner is being served, wait until the planner or emcee gives you the cue.

How long should a wedding toast be?

For most wedding-party toasts, 2.5 to 4 minutes is a good target—shorter if there are several speakers. For word-count ranges by role and a simple three-cut edit, read our full guide on how long a wedding toast should be.

What should you do when you raise a glass?

At the end, make the cue clear: “Everybody, raise a glass to [Name] and [Name].” Guests can raise whatever they’re drinking—wine, soda, water, or nothing at all. A toast is an invitation, not a requirement to drink.

You don’t need to clink glasses with every guest or tap a spoon against your glass to get attention. Let the emcee introduce you or use the microphone you’ve been given. Keep your glass down while you speak, then lift it for the toast.

What should you avoid saying?

Skip anything that could embarrass the couple or put them on the spot. That includes exes, sexual details, heavy drinking stories, private arguments, family tension, or a joke that only three people in the room will understand.

A roast can be funny if the couple enjoys that kind of humor, but it should still feel affectionate. If you’re not sure whether a story is okay to share, ask first—or choose a different one. The best toast stories make both people feel included.

Can you give a joint toast?

Yes. A joint toast works well when both speakers agree on who will do what. Decide who will introduce you, who will tell the story, and who will lead the final toast. Keep the handoff simple so the speech feels like one shared moment, not two speeches competing for the microphone.

You might trade off a short story about how you know the couple, then finish with a shared wish for their future. Don’t surprise your co-speaker with a sensitive story or an unplanned punchline.

Can the couple give a thank-you toast?

Absolutely. Many couples say a few words to thank their guests, families, and wedding party. It doesn’t need to be a full speech or a list of every person who helped. A warm, direct thank-you can be enough.

If the couple wants a starting point, see our guide to the couple’s wedding speech. For any toast, the easiest etiquette check is to confirm the schedule, respect the time limit, and make sure your story is one the couple is happy to hear in front of everyone.